Past Mistakes
by Gummysaur
Summary: All they wanted was to see their mother's smile again.
1. Chapter 1

"Water, 35 liters. Carbon, 20 kilograms. Lime, 4.5 grams—"

"No, Ross, that's wrong! It's ammonia, four liters next!"

"Geez, sorry."

"This is _mom _we're making. We can't screw it up."

"Okay, calm down. Um…Lime, 1.5 liters—"

"Kilograms."

"Shut up! Phosphorous, 800 grams. Salt, 250 grams. Saltpeter, 100 grams. Sulfur, 80 grams. Fluorine, 7.5 grams. Iron, 5 grams…uh…Silicon, 3 grams…and, yeah…then trace amounts of fifteen other elements."

"You're lucky your little sister is so smart."

"Whatever, Nina," Ross grumbled with a scowl.

"And don't forget the information for the soul," Nina added. She picked up a knife and sharply dragged it across her index finger. It hurt. She held it over the bowl, Ross soon following. They carefully sketched the transmutation circle.

"I can't wait," Ross said gleefully. "Dad'll come home and Mom will be back!"

Nina nodded enthusiastically. "He'll be like—" Nina dropped her voice exaggeratedly low—"I thought I told you to not to what the books said not to! Human Transmutation is bad! Arghh!"

"And then Mom will hug him and he'll be happy again," Ross said softly. They trailed off, thinking about how their father was never the same after Winry's death.

"I can't wait to taste her apple pie!"

"I can't wait to give her a hug!"

"What's the first thing we'll say to her?"

They paused and stared at each other with wide smiles.

"…We love you!" they shouted in unison.

"Okay, let's do this," Nina continued. She dropped to her knees, placing her palms on the circle. Ross nodded and they shared a grin.

"One…two…three!"

They activated the circle. Instantly, an explosion of blue light morphed from the floor, soon turning golden.

"Wow! I've never seen a golden transmutation before!" Nina squealed over the noise.

"Yeah!" Ross shouted back. "It reminds me of Mom's hair!"

Nina was about to respond when suddenly the room darkened and the light went a deep purple. Nina suddenly had a horrible, horrible gut feeling that something had gone wrong.

"Ross, something's not right," she whispered. She tried to pull back the alchemy, but it was too late. She was about to shout another warning when he heard him scream.

Nina whirled around and saw her brother's hands clamped over his mouth, his eyes squeezed shut. White light filtered between the spaces in his fingers, as if there was a lightbulb in his mouth.

"Ross—" and then it felt like her hands were on fire, being flayed and ripped apart. She wailed and saw small black hands tearing her flesh apart. Panic spiked up in her body.

"ROSS!" she shrieked, "Run!"

He snapped out of his stupor and stumbled to his feet. They tried to run, when suddenly the small black hands wrapped around them and savagely dragged them to the floor.

"No!" Nina wailed. Ross only made a guttural scream.

And then suddenly Nina was in a white place, with nothing there at all. She blinked a few times and suddenly there was a small creature surrounded with hazy black, sitting in an odd position. Its head bobbed.

"Hm? Are you—Oh, this is too good…" the creature laughed as if it realized something hilarious. "Oh, amazing! Father and son, making the same stupid mistakes…Uncle and niece, doing the same idiotic things…humans never learn, do they?"

_Dad? Uncle Al? _Nina suddenly remembered her father's automail leg. _Did—did they do human transmutation too?_

"Who're you?" Nina whimpered.

The creature paused, and chuckled. "This is my favorite part." it cleared its throat (if it had a throat) and began a speech that sounded rehearsed. "One name you might have for me is the World. Or maybe you call me the Universe? Or perhaps God! Or even the Truth. I am all, and I am one. So of course, this also means that I am you."

Nina heard a creaking noise. She whirled around, amazed to see a huge gray gate. On the front was the vague image of a dog; but it had eerie human qualities, like opposable thumbs and long hair.

Black hands shot out of it like bullets, wrapping around her. She wailed and screamed, trying to run. But the hands wouldn't let her run a second time; they went taut as they gripped her and pulled back.

"So noisy, just like your father was," Truth sighed. Then the door slammed shut. Truth grinned slightly.

"I can't wait to see what she'll be sacrificing!"

* * *

><p>The hands dragged her mercilessly through the Portal. Information was stuffed directly into her head; she screamed for them to stop, <em>it felt like her head was going to explode! <em>But they carried her without listening. Then she saw her.

"Mom," Nina choked out. "Mom!"

The figure turned, and Nina felt a strong wave of horror and fear from it. Words entered her mind.

_Not my dear children…_

"Mom! It's me!"

And then she was back at the gate. She whirled around to face Truth, hysterical.

"You got to let me back! I need to see more! The answer was just past—!"

"You know what's funny?" Truth interrupted in a bored tone. "Your father said the same damn thing. So I'll tell you, too—I'll only show you what you paid for."

"Paid—?"

Suddenly, Truth stood up, and his white hands flaked away, replaced by flesh ones.

"Goodbye, Nina Elric," he laughed.

The World's dark laugh was the last thing she heard before she was ruthlessly teleported back home.

* * *

><p>Nina let out a scream from the stared at her bloodied hands—rather, lack of hands—and trembled furiously. She heard an animalistic groan to her right and she turned sharply. There was Ross, blood spilling from his mouth. Nina's stomach jumped violently.<p>

"Ng…ng…ong…" Ross blubbered, more blood flowing from his lips.

They'd taken his _tongue._

Ross shakily lifted a bloody finger and pointed to the center of the room. Nina turned, and suddenly hope hit her. _Mom is okay…Mom will make it alright…Mom is back!_

But Mom was not there at all. Instead there was a brown blob of organs that had stopped pulsing long ago, with red eyes that lost their ominous glow. Mouth open in a moan of nothing but agony.

It was too much. The blood, the pain, the blob. Nina retched repeatedly, while Ross lay next to her, shaking uncontrollably.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Nina whispered.

Edward Elric returned that day from the store. He was not greeted by his wife and kids. He was greeted by his own past staring at him through his own children.


	2. Chapter 2

Ed opened the door and set the grocery bag on the table. His thoughts swirled around his mind lazily, like little snowflakes; he'd been thinking constantly since his wife's death. He wasn't thinking about anything morbid or depressing; the load had simply increased more than it had been before. He began unbuttoning his coat before stupidly remembering the door was still swung open. He took a step towards it, reaching for the knob. The instant he shut the door, he heard a cry.

"Dad…daddy? Dad! Dad!"

Ed froze with sudden panic. Was that Nina? Why did she sound so terrified? Did she slip and fall? He'd been out for half an hour…how long had she been hurt? She never called him 'daddy' unless she was scared.

"_Dad! Help!"_

That did it. That cry awoke some paternal, animal instinct inside him, and he took off. Ed ran for the source of the noise and heard it come from downstairs. The smell of blood hit him and he felt dizzy. He barely hesitated for a second before descending the steps.

"Nina?" Ed called out worriedly. His eyes surveyed the room and his knees buckled. The only thing keeping him upright was his hand gripping the banister.

They had performed human transmutation.

_This has to be some kind of sick joke_, he thought, as his vision blurred over with dark dots. He'd told them, over and over, to _never _perform the taboo. He told them that it was impossible, it was pointless.

"Daddy, help, please!"

The pained whimper snapped him out of it. He forced his legs to run to his daughter and he collapsed next to her.

"Nina…Oh, Nina, what did you do…?"

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" she choked out. "You said not to do it…we should've listened…I'm so sorry…"

Ed surveyed her quickly and his stomach jumped violently when he saw what the Gate had taken.

"Ross," he breathed suddenly. "Where's your brother?!" What if he'd lost his body, just like Al?

Nina lifted her arm, as if to point, then dropped it and just gestured with her head. Ed's eyes followed the movement and he saw his son curled up, hands covered with blood, his eyes squeezed tight.

"What did the Gate take?" he demanded. What was wrong with him? He wanted to hold his children tight, he wanted to comfort them and be there for them like the person he never had. But he had to assess the damage first…he had to know if they were going to bleed to death.

"It—it took my hands…Ross lost his tongue."

_Hands? A tongue? _Ed was relieved that it wasn't as fierce a rebound as when he'd tried it.

"Nina—" Something caught his eye. Ed turned, and all thought froze completely.

There was a blob, long dead, with burnt-out red eyes and black hair and brown skin and organs all over it and reeking of death and hatred and everything _wrong _in this world…

He'd thought he'd never have to deal with that again. He thought that only his nightmares could touch him now, he'd never have _two _human transmutations on his shoulders…both his fault…

It took Ed's self-control to not scream or throw up or pass out right there.

"Nina," he managed, infuriated at his voice trembling like a string, "We have to…bandage your hands…and Ross…"

"Daddy, we just thought if we could bring her back, you'd be happy, we're sorry…"

"It's okay, honey."

Nina trembled and nodded, her eyelids sliding slowly downwards.

Ed quickly went to work. He bandaged their hands, carried them up the stairs, and settled them into the couches in the living room. He was going to have to clean up the mess downstairs…he couldn't. He couldn't. He barely made it to the bathroom before his guilt, burning and rancid, raced up his throat.

* * *

><p>"Al?"<p>

"Hello, brother!"

Ed looked at the video-chat screen, still covered in static. Al's cheerful face showed up, wearing a grin.

"It's been a while! How have you be—" his vivacious tone died away when he saw Ed's face. "Brother? What's wrong?"

"My kids…" he whispered. He had no idea how to put it, so he just went straight to the point. "They performed human transmutation."

Al's eyes widened in shock and horror. "You're kidding…"

"I couldn't make this up, Al. I can't believe it…I thought they were too young, so I hadn't told them what we had done…I should've…"

"It's not your fault—"

Ed gave a slightly hysterical laugh. "Now _you've _got to be the one who's joking! I'm their father, and I left them alone when I knew they were upset about Winry…oh, I should've _told _them!"

"Ed," Al replied gently. "Back then, if someone told us about all the horrors of human transmutation, would that have stopped you?"

"Of course n—" Ed paused. No. Nothing would have stopped him. He would've brushed it off as a simple failure; not even Al could've convinced Ed to not do it. Ed's silence was answer enough.

Al didn't say anything, then he whispered the question hesitantly. "What…what did it take?"

"Nina lost both her hands. For Ross it was his tongue."

Confusion flitted across Al's face.

"I know what you're thinking. Too little, right?" Ed filled in. The words were bitter and had an undercurrent of sarcasm. It would have been too much for Ed if Truth had just taken an eyelash.

"Well, I suppose ours was a special case," Al replied softly, nor agreeing or denying what Ed had supplied. "But…I suppose, yeah…just be grateful it wasn't worse."

Ed closed his eyes. "I can't believe it. I have to be in some sort of nightmare."

"I could come over, if you want."

Ed's head shot up. "W-what? You're all the way in Xing…"

"It's been a long time since I've visited. I was planning on coming in a month or two, anyway. I could tell Mei if you want."

Ed couldn't help his relief. "…Yeah. I think that'd be good…for the kids."

"For the kids," Al echoed. Suddenly, static filled the whole screen. Al said something, but Ed couldn't catch it; then the connection fizzled out completely. Ed cursed at the machinery, set it on the table, and rested his head in his hands. His mind wandered to what Father had said about the symbolism of the sacrifices, how what Truth had taken tied into what they desired most…

_Hands and a tongue…I hate myself for thinking this, but it really is so little. Hands can be replaced, a tongue is barely necessary…_A horrible thought hit him. _I'll never hear Ross say something ever again…and Nina won't ever get to feel anything with her hands._

He thought sadly of how Nina loved alchemy so much. He suddenly felt like he was going to be sick again, and then he heard a small moan from Nina.

Ed rushed to her side as her eyes slid open. God, she looked so much like her mother…

"Daddy," she whimpered. "I had a bad dream."

An icy hand clutched Ed's heart. _It wasn't a dream, my daughter…it wasn't a dream…_

Nina slowly sat up and looked like she was going to get up, when her eyes fell on her bandaged arms. And she let out a scream.

"Nina—"

"It—no, Dad, it's…it can't be real…it can't…"

"It is, honey," Ed whispered. He hugged her, wishing he could tell her that it _was _all a dream. She whimpered and her arms flailed.

"I can't," she whispered. "I can't hug you…"

"Of course you can. Just wrap your arms around me, like that…"

"No, no, it's not right…Dad…why didn't it work?"

Then Ross shifted and made a plethora of nightmarish, animal noises. They didn't sound human, and the gauze stuffed in his mouth didn't help. The noises became more frantic.

"Ah—ee…ah—e…ee—aa…"

Each strained syllable made Ed's stomach twist farther.

"Ross," Ed called gently. Ross flailed.

"Aa—ee! Ah—ee! Ee—ahhh!"

"I think he's calling for us," Nina murmured.

"Eeh! Eeh!"

Ed ran over to his son's side, Nina following. She gave a small whine of pain, but bravely tried to conceal it.

Ross stared into his dad's eyes. The unmasked fear and panic in them made Ed want to cry.

"Ross, it's alright," he cooed. "Don't worry."

"I—o!"

Nina titled her head. "No," she translated.

"I i—i erk…" Ross flailed again, grabbing his father arms.

Nina seemed thoughtful for a moment. "It didn't work."

Ed marveled at the fact that Nina could understand Ross. Then he remembered how he'd always been able to sense Al's emotions when he'd been in that suit, while everyone seemed to be in the dark about how his brother was feeling. Maybe this was a similar thing.

"I ah—ee…Im…ah—ee…"

Nina frowned, her eyes darkening. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. It's my fault," Ed answered quickly. This just seemed to upset Ross further.

"O! O! our—ah-kt…ah-kt…ah-kt!" he was getting frustrated, like he was trying to communicate, but he couldn't figure out how to do it without his tongue. In fact, that was probably exactly what was going on.

"It's okay. Don't worry," Ed murmured. He'd never been very good at comforting others, but it seemed to make Ross settle a little bit. Nina had translated what he had just said before, but Ed hadn't caught it. He was busy brushing his son's golden locks of hair out of his eyes.

"Dad?" Nina asked cautiously.

"Yes?"

"Did…did you perform human transmutation too?"

Ed's mood deflated even more than it already had been. "Yes."

Tears filled her eyes and she looked down.

"i a—n ong ack!" Ross wailed. He forced himself to sit up and stared at his father, as if waiting for an answer. His golden eyes burned with a flurry of emotions.

"He wants his tongue back," Nina announced. Well, yeah, Ed didn't need a translator for that. Anyone would want their tongue after this. He felt a stab of sympathy for Ross, completely unable to talk. _Maybe he can write? I could get him a little notepad for that._

He turned to his daughter. "Are your hands in pain?" He mentally kicked himself for that. _She doesn't _have _hands, dumbass._

"No, they're okay."

_Probably the shock._

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"I want automail."

Of course. He should've expected it; it was the conclusion he had come to all those years ago. But so soon? And who would do it? It wasn't like Winry was around—_don't think about her…don't think about her…_—and Pinako was too old. She was unofficially retired; you couldn't say that to her face, though, she'd bash you on the head with several wrenches and insist she could still work.

"Mom had a mentor, right? I bet he was good," Nina put in, trying to help.

And Ed suddenly had an idea. "I know a man in Rush Valley. His skills were incredible." he avoided the matter of Winry's mentor. He'd rather perform the surgery himself than let Winry's mentor near his daughter. It wasn't about how the man acted or dressed, as most people disliked about him, but rather he just didn't like the guy. Or…well…maybe his shop reminded him too much of his wife. He couldn't handle thinking about her just yet. But Dominic…he was good. Harsh, but not on his patients. Paninya's legs had been impressive even for Winry's standards. And Dominic had promised Ed he'd grant any favor for helping with the birth (Well, that had been several years ago, and he'd already repaid them by referring Winry to Garfiel, but _still_).

"What's his name?"

"Dominic. But honey, we can't go just yet—"

"Why not?" she asked defiantly.

"Because—" Ed stopped. _Really, why not? The sooner she has automail, the sooner she could grab things and do normal activities…_"It's very painful…don't give me that look, Nina. It's one of the most painful things a human can go through." he tried to lighten the mood, but completely failed. "I mean, I've been shot before, Nina, and that's a walk in the park compared to automail surgery."

"Would you rather I have no _hands_?" Nina asked scathingly, as if his words had no effect on her. Ed bit his lip. Why was he trying to dissuade her?

"The longer I go without, well, thpe longer I go without," she continued. "I can't do anything without hands. I can't perform alchemy, or eat, or do anything at all! I'd need someone's help. So I want automail, that way I can go and get Ross his tongue back."

Ed's heart skipped a beat. Her eyes, smoldering with determination just an hour after she committed human transmutation, carried the same look he'd seen flashing in his friend's eyes so many times. He'd seen that look when Al wanted to be trained by Izumi. He'd seen that look when Winry waited for _another _excuse for why he had broken her precious automail. He'd seen that look when Ling claimed he wanted immortality. He'd seen it when Roy revealed that he wanted to be Furher, he'd seen it all around, and now it was in his daughter's eyes.

_God, _that look was Ed's weakness.

"You can get automail. I was gonna let you have it from the beginning." Nina perked up at that. "I just…once you have automail, you don't wish it on anyone else. But it's better than not having the limb at all, trust me."

"_Dad?" _

Ed had almost forgotten his eldest son was still lying on the couch, hearing every word. He guiltily whirled around. "Ross? What's wrong?"

"_What happened when we were asleep?" _**(AN: Ross's words will be in italics, but he's still making illegible noises. This is just so I don't have to write out the sounds every time; Nina is still the only one who knows what he's saying.)**

Ed helplessly waited for a translation from his daughter, who quickly obliged.

"While you were out? Oh…I called Uncle Al on one of those new face-calling things. He's coming to visit from Xing."

Nina's eyes widened. "Really?!"

"Yep."

"How long is he staying?"

"Not sure. The connection fizzled out. Maybe he could come to Rush Valley with us." Nina nodded and Ed ruffled her hair.

"You should get some sleep now," he murmured gently. He saw her eyes flash with wary fear. Ed was puzzled for a moment before his heart went cold with the realization.

"Don't worry," he added. "It'll be okay." _The nightmares don't come until later._

Nina nodded and settled back into the couch. Ed noticed her bandages were nearly soaked through; he needed to replace them once she was out. Her eyes slid shut and she was asleep in moments. Ed walked towards her, about to take off the bandages, but for a second he looked at his sweet daughter, brushing her lemony hair out of her closed, sea-blue eyes.

"Ah—ee. Ah—ee," Ross whimpered. Ed bobbed his head to acknowledge him.

"It'll be alright, my little man. Get some sleep."

Ross nodded and closed his eyes.

_Sorry. Sorry._

* * *

><p><strong>Do you know how many times I had to make noises with my tongue sticking out to figure out how I should type out what Ross was saying? I bet my family thought I was crazy. 8'D<strong>

**But anyway, oh boy. A new fanfic. This is a little nerve-wracking to be honest, I don't like to post fanfics before I have the plot all planned out because of the fear I'll hit a roadblock and give up on the story. I didn't intend this to be multi-chapter but…I'll stick with it.**

**Arghhh sorry for making Ed so OOC omg. I usually think I'm good at making characters act like themselves but writing Parental!Ed is HARD. Geez.**

**Anyway, enough of me talking. See you next chapter!**


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